Another Chapter

As I am getting ready to go sign the paperwork to put my house under contract to sell, I am feeling a little sentimental.  It made me think of this blog and the other blog I started writing called, "Embracing My Journey." This is the one I found and the one that popped up so I guess my mom is part of today's journey. 

It's funny the things that you remember and the moments that make you reflect.  As I was thinking about all of the things happening in my life right now, I realized that when my mom bought this house, it was October,  which always turns out to be a very busy time for me for some reason.  I was going into 9th grade I think. We lived around the corner in an apartment for a year before my mom found the house at 23 Vine. It was Halloween and I wanted to go trick or treating but instead, we were moving! Here we were among all the trick or treaters moving boxes into our new house. Once again, another family will be moving in October.  I will be thinking of my mom and how excited she was to get this house. I will remember her helping me to put the wallpaper up in the bedroom I decorated myself and the carpet we laid down just before midnight in the living room on New Year's Eve.

This house holds many memories so it will be bittersweet to say goodbye. Lots of people have memories at this house and I could probably go on forever but I will save that for another day when I have a little more time.  For today, I'm just happy that I found this blog again and as I am very sporadic in my writing or should I say journaling, I hope that I will remember to use this to share memories of my mom and the wonderful and amazing role model that she was and is for me.

As many of you know, my mom passed away this year on Valentine's Day.  It happened quickly after she was diagnosed just a week earlier with breast cancer.  A lump was found in January and through the process of biopsy, it was discovered to be cancer.  As much as I miss her, I am relieved that it happened somewhat quickly because having to watch her struggling to breathe was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  My brother, sister-in-law, and niece Ashley were all there with her as she took her last breath.  As much as it made me sad to watch her go, it made me feel at peace to see her body stop struggling. 

It feels strange to think that my mom is no longer here on this Earth.  I hope that she is looking down on me and guiding me.  I feel like I am more philosophical and look at things in a different light.  At the same time, it doesn't always seem real.  As I have been reading my past blog entries, I realize that I have been saying goodbye to my mom as I knew her for a while now.  Putting her in a nursing home gave me extreme feelings of guilt after our numerous conversations growing up but I truly believe she was happier there than she would have been at home.  I didn't have the patience.  I wish that I could have been one of those people who cared for their parent at home but I knew that I wasn't and I knew that I was not effective.  Being at the nursing home, she was able to be given constant care and she had people around her at all times.  She was happy when I came to visit and I was able to make her smile.  This was not happening at home.

4/29/18 NOTE: I just came across this post today that I hadn't finished completely so never posted. I figured I would post it now.