As many of you know, my mom passed away this year on Valentine's Day.  It happened quickly after she was diagnosed just a week earlier with breast cancer.  A lump was found in January and through the process of biopsy, it was discovered to be cancer.  As much as I miss her, I am relieved that it happened somewhat quickly because having to watch her struggling to breathe was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  My brother, sister-in-law, and niece Ashley were all there with her as she took her last breath.  As much as it made me sad to watch her go, it made me feel at peace to see her body stop struggling. 

It feels strange to think that my mom is no longer here on this Earth.  I hope that she is looking down on me and guiding me.  I feel like I am more philosophical and look at things in a different light.  At the same time, it doesn't always seem real.  As I have been reading my past blog entries, I realize that I have been saying goodbye to my mom as I knew her for a while now.  Putting her in a nursing home gave me extreme feelings of guilt after our numerous conversations growing up but I truly believe she was happier there than she would have been at home.  I didn't have the patience.  I wish that I could have been one of those people who cared for their parent at home but I knew that I wasn't and I knew that I was not effective.  Being at the nursing home, she was able to be given constant care and she had people around her at all times.  She was happy when I came to visit and I was able to make her smile.  This was not happening at home.

4/29/18 NOTE: I just came across this post today that I hadn't finished completely so never posted. I figured I would post it now.