I figured I would write a quick post tonight since I haven't written in a while. I write little snippets in my head at times and "think" about what I am gonna write, but it doesn't always make it here so I figured a little bit is better than nothing. And truthfully, my little bit often ends up being a lot, although I often ramble (as I'm doing now!).
Things have been going fairly well at home lately and I've been trying to have more patience. The biggest annoyance is the T.V. My brother purchased the absolute simplest remote that you can imagine and my mom still messes it up! I know she can't help it but this is where my patience is tested almost on a daily basis. There are other things that I get annoyed with and make occasional comments, which are truthfully not helpful but I sometimes can't help myself. These "unhelpful" and "unproductive" comments just fly out of my mouth at times and then I feel bad about it.
Last week I treated my mom to ice cream at Stewarts. It was a nice evening and I figured a walk would be good and I really think she enjoyed it. I would ask her but sadly she will not remember. Along our short walk, I pointed to the first apartment I lived in when I moved out. I reminded my mom how angry she was that I moved out and she seemed shocked by this little tidbit. This is something we often used to joke about and this night she didn't even remember. She didn't remember that after she was finally "okay" with me moving out and living literally down the street that she would come and take my dirty laundry, bring it to her house, wash it, fold it and then return it back to me. Couldn't ask for better service than that, huh? As I was telling her this, it was as if I was talking about someone else and not her. I don't know at this point if it is sad or frustrating for my mom to not remember but it makes me kinda sad at times. I do try to enjoy times like that but I can't help but "miss" the mom that I once had. We were able to joke with each other and find humor even in our disagreements. Like the time that we were cleaning out the pantry in order to expand the kitchen. I tried to "secretly" throw away old candles. My mom found out and she litterally jumped on me to get the candles out of the garbage. It was completely ridiculous and insane but we laughed about it hysterically afterwards.
She thankfully knows who I am and who her family members are but just last week she asked me what my brother's wife's name was. Maybe because she doesn't see her on a daily basis like my brother and I but it's a little sad. I'm not sure that she even knows about her new great grandson. I wish that my niece would bring him over to see my mom. As much as my mom has always had some quirks and even though she does not remember everything right now, she knows who she is and who her family is. She loves children and would love to meet him. She has always been very good to her grandchildren with her time and her love.
I know that I am short with her at times but I continue to work on it day by day and I think I'm getting better. Some days are better than others. But the visits from family and friends really are valuable, especially now. It is good to keep her mind occupied. I am so thankful for the family members that take the time to come and see her. I do appreciate that my brother comes each day during lunch and that her friend Darlene comes and visits from Glens Falls. There are a multitude of people that come and see her and for that I am grateful. There are also those that she doesn't see often. Some of these people I understand have difficulty for one reason or another and I really do understand but there are also times that I think about how much my mom has done for others over the years and I am sad that she does not have someone here for her. I don't know if I'm wrong or if I'm right but I guess I should just be thankful for those who are there both old and new. :)
P.S. It's late and I'm a little tired so some of the above may or may not make sense but I wanted to at least post something. Sorry if it's a bit disjointed.
No comments:
Post a Comment